April 2018 Movie Roundup

Oh boy, what a sucker of a month for movies it has been. I don’t know if I was just out of luck or if I indeed have a very bad movie taste. But damn did I watch some turds this past month. I hope I have more luck with picking stuff I want to watch in May cause I feel like I’m going to poke my eyes out otherwise.

Well, without further ado:

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

2h 44min | Drama, Mystery, Sci-Fi

In 2049, with the powerful Tyrell Corporation under the control of the visionary scientist Niander Wallace, the bio-engineered replicants, NEXUS-9, seem to have integrated seamlessly into society. Purposed to eradicate the outdated rebellious NEXUS models, LAPD’s officer K–a new generation of Blade Runners–stumbles upon a dangerous and well-hidden secret that could easily undermine an already frail stability in the world. As K puts the pieces together, he will soon realise that the key element that binds everything together in this mystery is the retired Blade Runner, Rick Deckard, who has either disappeared or gone underground. But is K allowed to unearth the truth?

Had high hopes for this one, but it fell a bit flat to be honest. It has some the same mood, style and soundscape at it’s predecessor. But plot wise I was bored to death. Shame.

Score: 6/10


Blitz (2011)

1h 37min | Action, Comedy, Crime

Detective Sergeant Tom Brant who is dispatched to take down a serial killer hell bent on killing off the police force one by one. “The Blitz” manages to slip through the grasp of Tom every time, and with the precious lives of his colleagues diminishing one by one, Tom is led to the question: if we can’t protect our own, then what good are we?

Kinda ok-ish Statham action movie that does exactly what you would expect from a Statham action movie.

Score: 6/10


The Duel (2016)

1h 50min | Drama, Western

A Texas Ranger investigates a series of unexplained deaths in a town called Helena.

Not your everyday western plot in this movie. Pretty decent acting by Harrelson and Hemsworth.

Score: 7/10


Force 10 From Navarone (1978)

1h 58min | Action, Drama, War

Mallory and Miller are back. It seems that there was traitor with them at Navarone, whom they thought was executed. But it seems that not only was he not executed, and he was not a traitor but a German spy. Intelligence believes he made it to Yugoslavia and is now with the Partisans. So, Mallory and Miller being the only ones who can positively identify him are sent along with a unit called Force 10, which is led by Colonel Barnsby, who objects to their presence. It seems that Force 10 has a mission of their own which Mallory and Miller know nothing about. When their plane is shot and most of the team is killed, they mistakenly believe that some of the locals they meet are Partisans but in reality are German Allies, so they are taken prisoner, and have to convince the German commander that they are not spies or else they will be killed.

Haven’t seen its predecessor, but this sequel was pretty entertaining.

Score: 7/10


Fucking Berlin (2016)

1h 34min | Drama, Romance

Sonia breaks the perhaps most exciting time of her life, because the 20-year-old moves to Berlin for a mathematics study. Once there, she soon began to build up a new circle of friends, and then she fell in love with the kind, but irresponsible Ladja. There is only one big catch: the dear money is a bit scarce and therefore Sonia one day, financially, but also from curiosity, the path to prostitution. From now on, it leads a brisk double flight, which can fly at any time. Her experiences are ambivalent, as part-time she often gets into difficult situations, but also gets to know nice people, while she enjoys life just as a student. But how long can it maintain the double game?

A not so glamorous look into the world of growing up, exploring oneself and understandings ones boundaries. Not as good as I had hoped.

Score: 6/10


Godzilla: Planet Of The Monsters (2017)

1h 29min | Animation, Sci-Fi

Years into the future and the human race has been defeated several times by the new ruling force of the planet: “kaijus”. And the ruler of that force is Godzilla, The King of the Monsters. Humanity is in such defeat, plans to leave the planet have been made, and several people have been chosen to look at a new planet to see if it is inhabitable. Realizing it’s not, though, the human race resorts to plan B: to defeat Godzilla and take back their planet.

Very good first entry of this anime’s trilogy. Interesting take on the Godzilla story. But I still can’t get used to Pologyn’s animation style.

Score: 7/10


The Magic Sword (1962)

1h 20min | Adventure, Drama, Mystery

George, the son of the sorceress Sybil, has been watching the beautiful Princess Helene from afar and is very much in love with her. When she is kidnapped by the evil wizard Lodac, the king her father announces that she will be given in marriage to whoever rescues her. The first to volunteer is Sir Branton who expects to undertake the task alone. George, over his mother’s objections, also decides to save her and is accompanied by six ancient knights. The journey is perilous with Lodac placing a series of challenges before them. Many in the group do not survive but George must eventually face Lodac’s greatest challenge – his dragon.

Just don’t watch this without the commentary and riffs from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys. You want to poke your eyes out otherwise.

Score: 4/10


Mother! (2017)

2h 1min | Drama, Horror, Mystery

Amidst a wild flat meadow encircled by an Edenic lush forest, a couple have cocooned themselves in a secluded mansion that was not so long ago burned to the ground, devotedly restored by the supportive wife. Within this safe environment, the once famous middle-aged poet husband is desirous of creating his magnum opus; however, he seems unable to break out of the persistent creative rut that haunts him. Then, unexpectedly, a knock at the door, the sudden arrival of a cryptic late-night visitor and his intrusive wife will stimulate the writer’s stagnant imagination. Little by little, much to the perplexed wife’s surprise, the more chaos he lets in their haven, the better for his punctured male ego. In the end, will this incremental mess blemish, irreparably, the couple’s inviolable sanctuary?

Now this was not an average horror movie but something pretty different. Perhaps a bit the arthousy in its execution.

Score: 5/10


The Polka King (2017)

1h 35min | Biography, Comedy, Drama

Local Pennsylvania polka legend Jan Lewan develops a plan to get rich that shocks his fans and lands him in jail.

Normally I always enjoy a Jack Black movie, but for some reason I just didn’t enjoy it.

Score: 5/10


Queen Of The Damned (2002)

1h 41min | Drama, Fantasy, Horror

After many years of sleeping in his coffin, the vampire Lestat awakens only to find that the world has changed and he wants to be a part of it. He gathers a following and becomes a rock star only to find that his music awakens the ancient Queen Akasha and she wants him to become her king…

Awesome soundtrack, but sucks (no phun intended) in every other department. Only watch it if you really like vampire flicks.

Score: 4/10


Regression (2015)

1h 46min | Crime, Drama, Mystery

Minnesota, 1990. Detective Bruce Kenner investigates the case of young Angela, who accuses her father, John Gray, of an unspeakable crime. When John unexpectedly and without recollection admits guilt, renowned psychologist Dr. Raines is brought in to help him relive his memories and what they discover unmasks a horrifying nationwide mystery.

With the cast performing in this one I had hoped for a lot more than it offered in the end. Boring as hell with a predictable ending.

Score: 5/10


Revolt (2017)

1h 27min | Action, Sci-Fi, War

The story of humankind’s last stand against a cataclysmic alien invasion. In the war-ravaged African countryside, a U.S. soldier and a French foreign aid worker team up to survive the alien onslaught. Their bond will be tested as they search for refuge across a crumbling world.

Kinda basic alien invasion movie. Doesn’t really shine anywhere although for its small budget it has some pretty impressive and effective CGI usage.

Score: 5/10


Solace (2015)

1h 41 min | Crime, Drama, Mystery

A psychic doctor, John Clancy, works with an F.B.I. Special Agent in search of serial killer Charles Ambrose. After having lived in isolation for two years, since the death of his daughter, Clancy is asked by his friend Joe, an F.B.I. Special Agent to help him solve several murders committed by a serial killer. The problem is that Ambrose is also psychic, and far ahead of Clancy.

Fairly interesting supernatural crime thriller with some fun plot twists but apart from that, not really that special.

Score: 6/10


The Titan (2018)

1h 37min | Sci-Fi

On a bleak future Earth, a soldier endures a radical genetic transformation to save humanity. But his wife fears he’s becoming more creature than man.

The fact that I fell asleep half-way through the movie pretty much tells enough about this one. The premise is kinda good, but it’s filled with your standard tropes.

Score: 5/10


Where Eagles Dare (1968)

2h 38min | Action, Adventure, War

World War II is raging, and an American general has been captured and is being held hostage in the Schloss Adler, a Bavarian castle that’s nearly impossible to breach. It’s up to a group of skilled Allied soldiers to liberate the general before it’s too late.

Fun, but somewhat slow who-done-it movie taking place in WW2. At sometimes a bit hard to follow who is on which side of the war as all main characters (even the Nazis) speak English with a perfect British accent.

Score: 6/10

Patrick Written by:

Geek, Weeb, Metalhead, Tuba Player & Couchpotato. That pretty much sums me up. Although some people also call me 'Party', 'Gargamel' and 'The Listmaster'. Anyhow, that's me, 36 years old and crazy enough to write about all kinds of crap. My music taste you ask? That's simple: True Skaro Wookie-Fronted Klingon Metal. As long as it's loud. Rock and geek on!

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